Go sell all that you have

I had a great conversation with a friend of mine in the gym this morning. We shared that both of us had a number of religious experiences and had a strong faith in God. Dick being very Catholic and I being very... eclectic (Buddhist, Hindu, Christian, etc). Both of our lives had been changed by our experiences.

Driving home the saying of Jesus from the Bible came into my head, "go sell all that you have and come follow me." I was thinking that if I had real faith would I need all the money in my savings account? How much faith in God taking care of me do I really have? I have faith but not enough to really trust God.

Go sell all that you have.

I'm not ready to do that yet, but I can begin by exploring that statement and wonder why I don't have more trust in the Universe taking care of all my needs. Just thinking about that seems to create more faith. I want to have enough faith that I could sell all that I have. Why not?

Appreciating Walking

I am 56 years old and I joined my daughter's boyfriend's softball team last week. During practice before my third game I pulled my right calf muscle. In warm up I stretched every muscle in my body except my calf muscle.I limped off the field. My dad had come to see me play, just like in high school.

I'm home today struggling to move around the house. I go outside to get the mail, limping, taking baby steps. I hope my neighbors are not watching. Walking slowly I hear the birds signing. I see the green of the leaves on the trees. I remember what it was like to walk without pain.

One minute I am running on the baseball field feeling like a kid again. Nothing feels as good as swinging a baseball bat or catching a fly ball. The next minute I walk off the field an old man. Tomorrow or maybe by Saturday I'll be young again. Things change every day.

I Don't Know

Here is a new perspective: I don't know. Randomly opening up Eckhart Tolles' book I came across the the idea that to not know is not confusing, only thinking that you should know. It is alright to not know.

My world is filled with not knowing these days. I don't know what I'm going to do for a new career (I'm giving teaching English as a second language in Vietnam a try), I don't know who I will ever find to come with me as a life partner (I can't even imagine what she would look like). Those are the two biggies, what to do and who to do it with. The interesting thing is I'm okay with it. Part of me wants to be active about doing something. But that doesn't feel quite right.

What I really hear the universe (or God) telling me is to get comfortable in the not knowing. Be in that place of "don't know." That is a good place to be for a while, maybe all the while. Today I kept that idea in mind and I stayed in the present moment more than usual. I guess not knowing does that to ya. How will all of this play out? I don't know.