The American War

In America we called it The Viet Nam War. In Viet Nam they call it the American War. Isn't that a matter of perspective? America's role in the war cost millions of Vietnamese lives. And yet, here I am in Viet Nam welcomed like a brother. America liberated the French in World War Two. And yet, when I have gone to France I have always felt like an unwanted intruder.

My experience of the French is that they are not a very happy people. And the Vietnamese are just the opposite. I wonder if it has anything to do with war. I wonder if it has anything to do with autonomy. I wonder if we should let people take care of themselves, both as nations and as individuals.

In my training as a therapist we are taught not to give clients answers, but give them the tools to find the answers themselves. Wouldn't the world, our country, our towns, our homes, our places of work, our schools, be much better off if we all could be more therapeutic?

How Do I Know I'm Not My Body?

I woke up this morning and started doing my meditation where I ask myself who am I? I have a body, but I'm not my body. I have thoughts, but I'm not my thoughts. Etc. Then, so who am I? Ending with I am awareness, I am the space in which my body, thoughts, etc., arise.

I thought all of this is good, but how do I know I'm not my body? Maybe I am and all this is just fooling myself. So I began to think how could I know that I'm not really my body. Well, if I were to have my finger cut off, would I be any less of who I am? No, not at all. I would still be me totally. What if I lost my arm. No, I would miss my arm and feel really, really bad, but I'd still be me.

What if I lost both arms and legs? Now I'd feel really shitty, but, yes, I would still be totally me.

What if they could remove all my body except my head, put me on some kind of life support system, would I still be me? Of course, I'd have my thoughts, feelings, etc. I would still be totally me.

Then what if they removed my face, mouth, ears? What if all that was left of me was my brain? Would I still be me. Yeah, but it wouldn't be a lot of fun. What would I do but think?

Okay, what if then they started cutting off pieces of my brain? Well, then I might have trouble thinking about certain things, but I'd still be me. How far would they have to go before I couldn't think at all? And at what point would I not be me?

If I had lost my body and nearly all my brain, I guess losing a little more brain wouldn't matter, I'd still be me. When you put it this way, I really have to say, I'm not my body. I'm something very different from the flesh and bones that carry me around.

If I'm not my body, who am I?

I'm awareness. I'm the space that allows my body, my thoughts, my feelings, emotions, desires, to arise. I'm consciousness.

A New Earth

Reading has always been my preferred mode of learning. And I read a lot. Recently that has changed.

I am desperately trying to learn new recipes for preparing raw meals. I've got about a half dozen cookbooks, but I was getting nowhere until I borrowed a DVD from my daughter Gina. The DVD was a demonstration about making raw food dishes by Alissa Cohen. Something happened to me watching the video. It wasn't just seeing it done, somewhere deeper than my intellect I knew that I could do this. And I did. I'm making raw food dishes all over the place now.

At about the same time this was happening I started watching the online classes that Ekhart Tolle and Oprah have been doing on Tolle's new book, A New Earth. Now, I've read his first book, The Power of Now, about six times, one page at a sitting, slowly, meditatively. It has been an important part of my personal developmental process.

Watching Ekhart and Oprah exchange ideas about the book is having an impact on me far greater than just reading. I'm not sure why. Maybe seeing, like watching the cooking DVD, is bringing the information to a deeper level. Maybe the seeing bypasses the mind and thinking process and gets us at our core selves. Whatever it is, Tolle's teachings are having a much more profound affect on me than his books. If this is the case universally, then the human race is in for an exciting ride in the near future because what Oprah is doing with this live web cast is only just the beginning. As it is, almost anything you want to see is now available on YouTube. And it is only going to get bigger and bigger. Yes, folks, there is a new earth coming.

It is probably no coincidence that I just bought my first webcam for my computer. Now I use Skype to call to my son in New York and Mike in Tortolla. Seeing them live on the screen is so much better than just hearing them. Now using a regular phone seems so...boring. Maybe it will be that way someday with learning. It will be common to involve all of our senses. I think we as a race are evolving past the mind stage, becoming more holistic and using our deeper selves to comprehend new worlds.

By the way, if you are not watching the classes that Oprah has put on line with Ekhart Tolle, you are missing something really important. Don't get left behind. Go to Oprah.com and download the classes there for free. You don't have to have read the book to get a lot out of it. For me, my life has already changed and I've only seen the first two and a half shows. I keep saying to myself, "oh, I get it now." The result is that I am definitely living my daily life now at a more conscious level. Something happens and I go right to being aware of what is happening instead of getting caught up in it. I love it! Makes life a lot more enjoyable.

In The Shadow of the Volcano

I am staying here in Nicaragua for four weeks. I run five miles every morning in the shadow of several active volcanoes. It is hard to miss them and this part of the country is known as the "ring of fire." I enjoy seeing the smoke coming from them. On one, Volcan Telika, I stood on the crater's edge and looked into the smokey abyss. My thoughts today are on the meaningfulness of both the structure of the volcano and the empty hole that I was looking down.

I am reading two books right now that deal with the mind. They seem to be saying the complete opposite of each other. One says that we need to use the mind to improve our lives. The other says that the mind and all its activity causes us to miss our real lives. So which is right? Makes me think of the volcano. What makes the volcano? The large cone or the empty hole that the cone forms? Seems to me you can't have one without the other. I guess that's my holistic perspective at work.

Our lives are much better when we use our thoughts to mold our perspective on what is happening to us. After all, we need to use our minds to have a holistic perspective on life. We can use our minds to find the good in things that at first appear bad. We can focus on improving our lives, being loving and kind, we even use our minds to meditate.

At the same time we need the emptiness of the volcano's cone. We need that vast space where we cannot see what will happen next. We need the adventure and even danger that the gases bring up from deep within. That is where we can find our creativity, our energy, our source of strength.

I think our lives require us to make space for space, to quiet our thoughts and be with that darkness of not knowing for a while every day. I think then we will find that we can use our minds in a much more productive and helpful way.

When I stood at the crater's edge I was scared. My mind threw out thoughts like...suppose the ledge gives way, what a way to die! And another thought...how freaking beautiful all of this is! And then I just stood there, not thinking, standing in awe, taking it all in to somewhere deep inside of me. We need to stand at the crater's edge of our lives and take it all in, as often as we can. I want to use my mind and I want to use my stilled mind. I want my life to have the strong structure of the volcano and I want to pull out from the depths of the earth all the molten goop that simmers down below. It begins to sound like the shadows of our unconscious...and that might be a good thing.

Success requires living moment by moment

Sitting in my hotel room in Bangkok, Thailand, I recently had some time to reflect on things after spending five weeks in Southeast Asia. I was thinking about how easy it was to forget about being self-aware, being conscious, living on purpose. I barely took the time to mediate and make healthy food choices. Why? This is what I wrote:

"If we want to live the lives that we dream of we must be diligent. It requires almost constant attention to our thoughts and choices. We can't expect to succeed in life and living if we do not every moment be aware of what we are doing and thinking. Moment by moment we shape our lives, our bodies, our emotions. Not day by day, or week by week, but moment by moment. We must be conscious of what we are doing and thinking.

"There are tricks and skills that can be learned to help this happen. No universal skills, each of us have our own personal preferences that work best for ourselves. For me, I get inspired by books. The more I read, the more they remind me of what I can do and be. It doesn't require long hours of reading, in fact, many short readings work best. I am also motivated and helped to stay on track by talking to other people and hearing what they do."

So, tomorrow I leave for Nicaragua. I am determined to eat raw foods and avoid dead animals. I realize that it is not going to happen on its own, I have to make the effort. I have to make my life in reality what I have determined in my mind what I would like it to be. It is one thing to know what to do, it is another to do it. I know that I have relied for too long on my mind to get things done. Knowing is not enough. I believe I have to enlist my emotions now, which brings me back to having a holistic perspective. To live life fully it requires using our body, mind, emotions, and spirit. The next four weeks will be a test.

By the way, if anyone is interested, my second book Spanish Lessons: A Midlife Adventure in Search of Meaning is available on Amazon. If you do read it please post a review on Amazon.

Happy New Year! Who Am I?

The first morning of 2008. I woke up and after missing a few days of meditation began the "Who am I?" mindfulness meditation from my bed. It goes like this:

Clouds come and go. I have a body, but I am not my body. Breathe.

I have thoughts, but I am not my thoughts. Thoughts come and go. Breathe.

I have emotions and feelings, but I am not my emotions and feelings. They come and go. Breathe.

I have memories, but I am not my memories. Breathe.

Who am I? Breathe. Be still for a while.

If you do this right there is a space and in that space you get a glimpse of who you really are. This morning in that space I understood that I am a learner, a student here on this planet, in this body, having these thoughts and emotions, learning lessons. I am happiest when I am learning, growing, moving.

I am not any of the things I think I am when I am not being aware. In my normal consciousness I am a walking body full of desires and wants forever trying to find food, pleasure, comforts, something to keep me busy. But, when I make the slightest movement to pay attention, to become conscious of my self, my true self, something else happens, I see what really is. The wants and desires fall away and I see my true passion, my true purpose in life.

It's a new year. I'm going to be more aware in 2008. I'm going to breathe and remember who I am.

What I Learned in Nicaragua

This is what I learned in Nicaragua:

It doesn't matter what is going on or where we are, our lives provide us with the experiences we need to grow. No need to want or avoid, it is all the same.

I had five weeks to do nothing but learn Spanish, read, and reflect. I spent a lot of time walking the beach, trying to listen to what the Universe wanted to tell me. With enough time I did become quiet enough to here something important. A couple of ideas kept popping up.

It's all grist for the mill.

Ram Dass wrote a book with that title, but the phrase actually goes back to a sermon from the 16th century. The idea is that everything is life can be useful. There is no good and bad happening to us, it can all be used for the good.

My Spanish teacher is a Jehovah's Witness. He liked to read the Bible to me in Spanish. This lead me to read to him my favorite Bible passage, Romans 8:

For to those who love God, all things work for the good.

What does all this mean to me? It's this, it really doesn't matter where we live, what we own, who we are, we have to live life. We exist, we have a life to live, and I believe, lessons to learn while we are in this human body. We spend too much time trying to make ourselves happy and more comfortable. That is to miss the point of being human.

It was a shock to arrive in Nicaragua and start taking cold water showers. Then I had to deal with the heat, humidity, and mosquitos. I had avoid stepping in pig shit when walking in the street. I didn't have a refrigerator so I had to buy my fruit every other day. There was no television, nothing at all to do after 7 pm, no movies, no appliances. All the conviences were gone. Yet, within a week or two, it really didn't matter. I'd adjusted.

Then I was invited into several of the homes in Leon. Essentially, they have roofs over their heads and little more. Yet, they were living their lives just like we do, except they didn't have our conviences. (Although the kids do have tv's and sony play stations.)

I guess what I learned was that it is not our living situation that matters. We can adjust to all kinds of things that we think we couldn't. In America we worry more about the little things than the Nicaraguans worry about the big things.

So, being here in my nice warm house on this cold overcast day, all these wonderful things that surround me do not mean as much to me as they did before this trip. Now I know that it is not the things in life that make for happiness. Life is not about happiness. Or security. I'm not exactly sure what life is about at all. If anything, life seems more like a journey or a process, and not something that you can point to and say, "ah, this is life." The longer I live the more I realize that:

"Life is not a problem to be solved, but a mystery to be lived." Kierkegaard

So here is the deal: I want to go back there. I'd like to live there at least part of the year. Why? Not because Nicaraguans are nicer or better people, people everywhere are the same, it's that it is easier to live with people and really enjoy life when there are not so many "things" to get in the way. Our life styles, our toys, our possessions, take away our lives. I already miss talking to the fruit lady, the coconut woman, the beach kids selling sea shells, Tio Toro asking me for money to buy "Ron" (rum), drinking beer with crazy old Perry, Juan trying to convert me into a Jehova Witness, and Ana Francis trying to say "George Bush."

To read my travel blogs from Nicaragua go to:

http://www.travelpod.com/travel-blog/francesco0/
nicaragua_again/tpod.html

You may have to cut and paste the url in two steps.

Perspectives on a Poor (Financially) Country

I arrived home late last night after being in Nicaragua for five weeks. My reason for the trip: to study Spanish, reflect, and learn. And I wanted to escape the dreary New England end of fall.

In the past when I travel I am happy to be home. Most of the time traveling is more of a chore than a vacation for me. I miss my family, my home, my routines. This trip was different. I stayed in one place and became part of a village and a city. I got to know people, their homes, their jobs or lack of jobs, their struggles. This is the first time that I have come home wondering where home really is.

I spent my time between Leon (Nicaragua's liberal, radical, university city) and Las Penitas (a poor seaside fishing village thirty minutes away). There is no hot water in either of these places (except hotels for foreigners). There are only curtains for doors. No glass for windows. No air conditioning. And in Las Penitas, no sewers.

That being said, the influence of American business and advertising is insidious. While many cannot afford to buy fruit and vegetables, they do consume plenty of Coca Cola. Their diets consist mostly of rice and beans. All but the very poor have cell phones, which they are always playing with (text messaging and music). And every kid I met in Leon had a Sony Play Station.

So, why have I come home feeling so unlike myself? I think it is that the country of Nicaragua got under my skin. My friend Perry, a crop-duster from Louisiana who lives there half the year, says that Nicaragua is like California one-hundred years ago. There is a sense of the wild west, a country that hasn't found itself yet. You can't even buy land securely because after the revolution, the Sandinistas took land from the rich and just gave it away without any titles or legal documents drawn up. It is like the old west here. In fact, I was told that up until five years ago everyone carried hand guns.

That being said, Nicaragua is the safest country in Central America. And the people, while struggling with their economic challenges, have a kindness about them that certainly made me feel a welcome part of their lives in the short time that I lived with them. Something about the way they carry themselves, kind of a humble pride, that is so appealing, makes me want to be a part of their unfolding future.

So here I am back in America where I can buy my organic fruits and vegetables at Whole Foods, I can entertain myself with movies and Internet searches, I'll run on the tread mill tomorrow instead of through dirt streets and dust filled with particles of animal waste. Why does it appear to me that those people in Nicaragua have so much more than we do? Why when I compare our lives to theirs, theirs seem so richer, colorful, so much more alive?

I don't know where I am going with this, except that I feel drawn to go back there and experience more of whatever it is they have that we don't. I am sure this isn't for everyone, but I hear the call to "go West young man." Alright, it isn't West and I'm not young, but complacency is for cows, not cowboys.

But before I head West I am heading East. January third I'm off to Thailand for five weeks. We'll see what this mostly Buddhist country has to teach me. I admit I'm a little nervous and that going to Asia is definitely out of my comfort zone.

Leaving the Comfort Zone

Tomorrow I begin my winter traveling. I'll be in Nicaragua for five weeks, come home for the holidays, and then leave for Thailand. While this may sound like a great way to get out of the cold New England winter, if you know me, this isn't as much fun as it sounds.

I have spent the better part of the last three winters traveling. Each time I go somewhere I struggle with being away from home. I miss my family and friends, my routine, my house, my food, my bed. I complain about everything. So why do I go? I don't have a choice.

I have to leave home and put myself somewhere where I do not know what will happen. Maybe I just like surprises. I stay in hostels or cheap hotels, I usually go to third world countries because I like the people there. I go to places that are warm and not far from the ocean. And I promise you, the next blog you get from me I will probably be complaining that I am terribly lonely and want to come home.

If I am lucky I'll last the five weeks and not come home early. Whatever happens I will receive a few good life lessons and my life will be richer as a result of leaving the comfort zone of my home.

If all goes well I'll spend the next five weeks studying Spanish, learning how to salsa dance, writing, reading, and discovering new things about myself. I guess I better start packing my bags.

Morning meditation: "Transformation is through the body, not away from it." Eckhart Tolle

This reminds me that if I can focus on my breath, be in the moment, I will continue to grow. You would think that growth would come from abandoning the body, but that is just not the case.

Life's a Suspense Novel

I woke up this morning thinking that I would like my life to be more exciting than it is. In other words, I wanted some drama. Then the thought came to me that I probably wouldn't have to wait too long because looking back on my life I've had plenty of drama and excitement.

The comparison to a novel came to mind. My life is a suspense novel. Right now there is a lull in the action, but that doesn't mean that important things are not happening. While I want to hurry up and turn the page, the writer of my life is developing character, characters, setting scenes, adding textures.

I think I'll try to enjoy the suspense of not knowing what will happen next. Why not, if my life were a book I'd be totally into the thrill and drama of not knowing what is going to happen. Instead of being in a rush to turn the page, I could enjoy the detail of the page I'm reading now. Soon enough a new character will appear, a new problem to be solved, who knows what danger lurks around the next corner? Might as well snuggle up with the book and enjoy the ride.

Before going to bed last night I read this in A Course in Miracles:

Heaven itself is reached with empty hands and open minds, which come with nothing to find everything.

Holistic vs. Reductionism

I'm reading a great book on the relationship between diet and disease, The China Study, by T. Colin Campbell. In one chapter he discusses his experience as a research scientist involved in understanding the connection between the food populations consume and illnesses. His work goes as far back as the late 1970's. Some of what goes on behind the scenes is fascinating.

Dr. Campbell was asked to serve on the Public Nutrition Information Committee in 1979. This was organized within the Federation of American Societies for Experimental Biology and Medicine. One of the responsibilities of the committee was to "decide what is sound nutritional advice to give to the public." The intention was to identify nutrition quackery. Campbell was the only member of that committee not to have ties to food and drug companies. The others "earned" consulting fees from various animal foods companies. After two meetings Dr. Campbell was asked to leave.

A few years later Campbell was asked to become part of the American Institute for Cancer Research. At the time there was research linking diet and cancer. However, this research was a threat to too many people. The US government even got involved and did everything they could to quash this information. Essentially, they were attacking a nonprofit organization doing cancer research. Turns out that the American Cancer Society even went after them. They did not like anyone competing with them for funds and they did not want to shift the focus of research away from medical treatment and towards a more healthy diet.

Campbell learned that the medical establishment is "in the business of treating disease with drugs and surgery after the symptoms appear." This is anything but a holistic approach. Scientific reductionism happens when the focus turns to individual nutrients instead of whole foods. Billions of dollars were spent looking at the effects of fat or individual vitamins, when they should have been looking at whole systems. It does not help to isolate chemicals and food components, taking the results out of context.

The China Study takes information from whole populations with the same genetic background and demonstrates that cancer is due to environmental and lifestyle (diet) factors. John Robbins, in his book Healthy At 100, takes a similar approach when he writes about the Hunza in Central Asia, the Abkhasia in Russia, and the Japanese of Okinawa. These people regularly live to be 100. What is it about their cultures that make them so healthy? Do you think it is a low fat diet? Or they take vitamin C pills? The answer is to be found in the whole, not the parts.

Healing Requires Forgiveness

I again woke up in the middle of the night to a voice, or maybe it was just a persistent thought. "You got the idea of healing right, now understand that healing requires that you forgive. Forgive yourself, forgive everyone that you need to forgive. Not that they need forgiveness, you need to forgive for yourself."

There is not much to add to that. This just pounds home the idea that for me right now I have to pay attention to my emotions and heart, the learning and intellectual stuff takes care of itself. Learning means nothing if I can't be healed, if I can't forgive.

The voice, or thought continued that "every time you feel unease about some person say, 'I choose to be healed, I forgive.'"