Change

"You do not become good by trying to be good, but by finding the goodness that is already within you, and allowing that goodness to emerge. But it can only emerge if something fundamental changes in your state of consciousness."

Eckhart Tolle

It has taken me a long time to realize that trying to be anything does not work. There are so many things I've wanted to do or be, other than what I did or was but couldn't or wasn't. Any changes I've made on my own have been slow in coming and quite painful to achieve. And they have been relatively minor. But something interesting is happening this summer since I've been reading A New Earth and following along on Oprah's Webcast of the book.

Any time I start behaving or thinking in ways that are not what I really want to be going, suddenly, almost always, I become aware of my thoughts, feelings, and desires. This has almost never happened before. I would do something without thinking and then become aware that I am not happy about it. Now I have been conscious of what is going on before anything happens. Sometimes my actions change and sometimes they don't, but clearly my state of consciousness is changing.

This is an extremely interesting phenomenon. I become intensely aware, not just of what is happening, but that I am aware that I'm aware. It feels like I have more power, now I'm not acting unconsciously. I'm thinking this is the start of something good. I can see this developing more and bringing about real change. Imagine, being able to recognize my own insanity before I actually let it take root.