Saturday, October 6, 2007

The Push to Go Deeper

Since I returned from Denmark I have had this constant "uneasiness" hanging around me. Almost like the flu, symptoms of concern, not quite really happy, persistent thoughts about things I don't want to think about, all colored with a touch of sadness. All of this has made me spend more time reading my "spiritual consolation and direction" type books for...well, consolation. And, I've made an effort to meditate and reflect more on what is going on.

While meditating this morning I asked the question: what was the purpose of my trip to Denmark and why am I so out of whack since then? And the answer came clear as a bell: "It's time to learn how to go deeper, become stronger, develop better strengths, so that when things don't go so well you will be able to keep your spiritual perspective, and not let your compass get totally screwed up just because you hit a strong magnetic force. You need to learn how to navigate by the stars!"

It seems like an awful lot of work for such a simple lesson, but I guess God doesn't care all that much about money and expenses as long as we get the message. So, basically, I get it: My little compass has gotten me this far, and that's good. But, it is subject to malfunction in the presence of tough situations and rough seas. I need a back up. A compass to me implies an external aid, where learning to navigate by the stars is all about learning how to travel relying on...God? Is that what this is leading to? Did somebody trick me?

Back to A Course In Miracles: "Be happy, and you gave the power of decision to Him Who must decide for God for you." Fine, I'll do that, but I'm going kicking and screaming. Couldn't we just use GPS and leave God out of this? I'd rather rely on electronics...okay, I take that back, that's what got me here in the first place.

No comments: