To Go Or Not To Go: Feedback

I have not made up my mind to return to Vietnam. But I have come to realize that it's not about the choice, it's about the process. I've made many trips in my life, this would be just one more. I am learning a lot about life and myself as I figure out my next move, or not move.

I want to thank everyone who has expressed their thoughts to me. My children and sister and parents have told me clearly to stay home. Imagine if they said go, who needs ya. I'm very blessed to have the family I have and receive so much love from them.

A number of friends told me to stay, that they thought I might be having some mental emotional problems and that I might want to consider getting some help. I can see where they would want that for me.

My close friend Mike Ryan told me to identify the real fear that I have. Excellent. I think that hits the core of the issue.

And then my nephew Ralph really gave me something to chew on. This is from his email:

Hi Uncle Frank,

I am in Cambodia, I have a position restoring coral and farming giant clams to restock the reefs. It is with an organization called Marine Conservation Cambodia, back to a tropical island!

As far as actually making decisions, I think you have way too many options.

(Travel) is a process, a necessary process. 'I travel because I must' is the beginning, the name of the album, and the driving force to leave. Then the fun challenges come, the rewards, then the loneliness. What is next? Do you know? I think you may not give yourself the chance to discover what comes next for you. As far as your development, you keep on starting the record and pulling it off the player before you listen to the whole album. If you want to own that record, I suggest you not give yourself the option of stopping it before you have experienced the whole thing. It may not sound nice halfway into it, but what if you had no choice, there was no such thing as changing tickets, you would have to wait it out and take what comes. You travel with limitless options, no one on this earth could decide what is the right choice with all those options.

Listen to the whole album or let it go.

That struck a strong cord in me.

I loved this from my friend Joanne Myszkowski:

We've kept a small framed plaque in our home for 20 years: "A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are for." This statement has guided us through some of the most difficult decisions in our lives. Do what you must, and God be with you.

And another gym friend Richard Herriott:

Your conflicted dilemma regarding staying home or returning to Vietnam appears to have a solution as embedded in your writings. During your life you have consistently rejected Thanatos and faced your fears " head on " with your objective to be " victorious " . Eros is a strong force driving your personal nature which is fed and strengthened through travel and new experiences. Returning to Vietnam and obtaining a " Global Teaching Certificate " can have a positive impact on your travels to other Countries with the ability to teach. " Travel -you must " and six weeks in Vietnam can contribute to travel and life enhancing experiences for years to come !

All in all I think I made a mistake coming home the last time. I made a decision that I did not want to teach English at a time when I was extremely sleep deprived and irrational. I do want to teach, I at least want to give it a try. Now I have to decide if I want to go back and try again. As Ralphie says, "listen to the whole album or let it go."