Finding purpose in Life

We all feel shitty at times. I don't mean physically here, but emotionally. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and I realize that there is nothing interesting or exciting to do for the day. It's going to be just a normal, nothing to get excited about kind of day. My first thought is more like a feeling of numbness or "so what?"

I would say that happens a lot, wake up, just a normal day, so what. I don't know if it is from reading good books, or trying hard to be like all of the great people in my life, but then a much better thought comes running calmly into my mind: I am here only to be truly helpful. That saying comes directly from A Course in Miracles. And right then and there it is as if someone flipped a switch on my emotions and I feel myself lift and look a my day from a whole other perspective.

When I am thinking about myself and making myself happier I do not get happier, I either get anxious--as in "what can I do now?"-- or I get depressed if I can't think of anything good to do. I don't know why but more and more, right away I remember that saying from the Course, and the my feelings change immediately. I think that may have a lot to do with me being happier now than at any time in my life--and there is nothing especially exciting going on to cause that.

Another aspect of this is highlighted by research done by UCLA psychologists. They are finding out that when we name our emotions, we calm ourselves down. This is believed to be one of the reasons that meditation is so beneficial. Mindfulness techniques help people to pay attention to what they are feeling, and in noticing these feelings, making them more explicit and aware of what is going on inside, those negative emotions tend to dissolve. Another good reason to take up a meditation practice.

This may be what is happening to me when I become aware of my morning feelings, only I move directly to something positive to fill the empty space of letting go of that emotion. Whatever it is, I plan on keep doing it--I like what is going on.

Asomatognosia: not seeing what is there

Asomatognosia is a neurological disorder where the patient does not recognize a part of his or her body as their own. For instance, it could be an arm. They see the arm, but don't believe it is theirs. When pointed out that it is attached to their body they would say something like, "You can't always believe what you see." Asomatognosia usually happens when there is damage to a part of the brain.

I am interested in this phenomenon because it involves perception and a particular inability to see what really is. I am hoping to develop a more holistic perspective in myself, but what if I have some kind of asomatognosia and I don't know it. What if there is something in my brain that does not let me see what is really there? And how would I know about it?

People who have this rare condition are convinced that these parts of their bodies are not there and if they are there they do not belong to them. We again have a case where reason is over-ridden by another factor. This time, instead of emotion, it is a brain lesion.

What if there is some kind of brain lesion, and it doesn't have to be a lesion, it could just be the way our brains are constructed, that does not let me see....God, for instance. Or miracles when they happen. Or that what we call coincidences that are really not coincidences at all. What if the whole world is not anything at all like we think it is. We could be living lives just like the mistaken patient!

I bring this up only so that we will consider that maybe the world is not the way we have always perceived it to be. Maybe it is something quite different. For a number of years now I have looked up at the moon and wondered: what a coincidence it is that it is exactly the same size in the sky as the sun, even though it is much smaller. Of course, the reason is that it is much closer to the earth. But still, an interesting coincidence. And I also wonder how it happens that the moon takes the same amount of time to circle the earth as it does to rotate around itself. In other words, its day is exactly equal to its year. That is why the same side faces us all the time. Another interesting coincidence. My question is: is my thought that it is a coincidence just my way of rationalizing (like those patients who have asomatognosia) or is there something weird going on in the sky and I just don't want to admit it?

Do we all suffer from existential asomatognosia?

Knowing and Believing

The human brain and the mind play tricks on us all the time. Most importantly, they really screw around with what we know, what we know we know, and what we think we know, and what we believe. (For vice-president Dick Chaney it's what we don't know and what we know we don't know.) Often, what we think we know is really only a belief. But, we can, with a little use of the mind, change a belief into a knowing.

What I know comes from my experience. I know that I am a little cold right now. That is not a belief, or a theory, I know it from my experience. I believe that it will be sunny today because the weatherman said so. Let's make this a little more interesting. I have a belief in a God type person, or being, or universal creative force, whatever. Why? Well, I have reasoned this all out, and my mind tells me that some thing, or some one is behind all the order and beauty of the universe.

Now isn't that interesting? My belief comes from a rational thought process.

My belief in this God person, however, does not give me that much consolation. It satisfies one part of my mind that needs to make sense of things, but it does not give me any emotional fulfillment. On the other hand, if I think about something that happened to me about 20 years ago, when I had what you would call a "spiritual" experience, when I felt God do something to me, that I know. I know that I had that experience, I know that it was beyond the physical universe, I know that what happened could only have happened if there were a being outside of the material world that I live in.

So here is a knowing that is actually more meaningful to me than my actual belief. I know I experienced this God event, but I only believe in a God person. What is more powerful, knowing or believing?

Where am I going with all this? The point is that what we know is more dependent on our experiences than on our rational thinking. Example: I have a close friend who does not believe that God can exist. Until she was 20 she believed in God. Then she experienced a terrible tragedy. Because of that event she "knows" that there is no God. How unrational is that? Guess what, we all do that in our own ways. We just do it differently.

The holistic perspective takes all of this into account. Keep in mind that what you know, you know from your experience, and that involves your emotions more than your rational brain. I think I would hold onto all of my "knowledge" a little less tightly. I'd look at my feelings a little more closely. For me, I want to know more than believe. I want to "feel" what it is that I really know. I'm going to spend a little more time (maybe a lot more time) feeling what it is that I know about this God experience. It is better to feel this Creative Intelligence that to believe in It (Him-Her).

Your brain is not a computer--it is hardwired to your emotions. Reason doesn't rule, guess what does.

Always a Struggle

It's seems like months since I have been trying to eat mostly (80%) raw foods. I can do vegan. I can do breakfast (smoothies) and lunch (salads, nuts, avocados) and feel healthy raw. But I reach for the starches (breads), the fats (butter-like spread), and the sweets (semi-sweet chocolate chips) at dinner-time or evening snack. Sometimes it's worse. And the end result is that even though I am not eating animal products, I've found a way to still put shit into my body!

This is so not easy. I swear to God it is a full-time commitment just eating healthy. I read tonight about a doctor telling the story of a man with elevated cholesterol. The man didn't want to go on statins to lower it and he had a heart attack. The doctor was selling his services--come to my office and let me give you the magic pill.

Of course, first the doctor told the patient to change his eating habits. So, you know what the man did? He stopped putting mayonnaise on his double bacon cheeseburgers. You'd think the doctor would have said that that wasn't really enough. I'd rather give up the crappy food than take the pills. Statins are know to cause liver and muscle damage.

So, tomorrow morning I will, I promise, take out my raw food books, get some inspiration, and eat in a way that honors my body.

(Can you hear the soft fan of my dehydrator making flax seed crackers? They've been drying all day. I wonder how tasty they will be?)

The Whole Story on Dairy Products

Here are some reasons to avoid dairy:

1. Cheese is a major source of dioxin in our diet (a prominent cause of cancer).

2. Cow's milk is designed to grow calves fast. Foods that promote fast growth cause cancer.

3. While milk itself contains calcium, the acid load from the animal protein can actually produce a negative balance because of loss through excretion. (Eskimos consume huge amounts of calcium from fish bones, but have the highest rates of hip-fracture because of all the animal protein.)

4. Milk produced on factory farms (nearly all milk) comes from cows that live miserable lives, not out in the pastures that the pictures would like us to think.

5. Drinking milk supports the veal industry. Male calves are sent to the veal factory farms. And you know what that means.

6. While fruits and veggies (especially green leafy ones) contain less calcium, our bodies retain more of it than from milk, creating a positive balance. (Populations that do not consume animal products have far lower rates of osteoporosis.)

Excellence in Sports--A Holistic Perspective

What makes a great athlete great? According to the hosts of the sports talk show on WEEI it is the ability to see the whole field, or the whole court. Talking about how great a basketball player LeBron James is, they pointed out that what made him so great is that he can see the whole playing court, see all that is going on, during the game.

The hosts then pointed out that that was what made Tom Brady, winner of three Super Bowls, such a great quarterback. Brady has the ability to see down the field and comprehend everything that is taking place in front of him. In a sense, it was pointed out, these men were able to slow things down enough to get a hold on what needed to be done.

I thought to myself when I heard this that if that isn't what having a holistic perspective is all about I don't know what is. In life, if we want to be winners, if we want to succeed, if we want to be all that we are meant to be, we must learn from these athletes the value of seeing the whole and not just the parts. We must widen our perspective and strive to see the whole playing field of life. The big question is--how do we do that? The answer has to do with personal development and growth.

Four Days in New York City

I just spent the last four days in New York City attending the PMA Publishing University Conference. Yikes! People are taking publishing back from the big New York publishing houses and producing books themselves. It is exciting to realize that individuals, even without a lot of financial resources, can get their ideas literally out across the entire planet.

There is no excuse for any writer to be shut out of the world-wide conversation. Books, articles, audio and visual presentations all can be made available either in print, plastic, or on the Internet, without a lot of money. I came away from the conference with a greater understanding of the whole book publishing process: writing, editing, production, and marketing. It all can be done by one person or a small team. So many possibilities, so little time (just kidding, we have the rest of our lives).

From a holistic perspective I must balance my enthusiasm to want to do everything with what I am best suited to do. I want to learn editing, book layout, web design, marketing, how to write better, manage a publishing house, acquire enlightenment...better stop there. Anyhow, I am determined to organize what I have learned and then do what is best for me to do.

Staying healthy in NYC was not as easy as I thought it would be. Instead of a great variety of food options, most of the restaurants repeated the same themes. I am glad to be back home where I can make my own fruit smoothies and salads the way I like them.

Okay, gotta go, lots to do! Power to the people!

Buying Local Food

The idea of buying our food as close to home sounds like an environmentally friendly and ethical thing to do. After all, we need to support the local farmers, and the transportation of produce over long distances uses up fossil fuels and pollutes the environment.

However, it isn't as simple as that. Sometimes it is better to buy from longer distances. For instance, it uses less energy to buy rice from Asia, even factoring in shipping costs, than to buy it from California...because farming in California is so energy intensive. There are a great deal of products that are better bought imported.

Foods flown in on air freight are the most wasteful, but foods (like fruit from Central or South America) brought in on ships are 10 times more energy efficient than shipped on trucks. So, actually, it can be more responsible to buy oranges from Panama than Florida. You do not have to feel so guilty eating pineapples, bananas, etc. imported anymore, as long as they come in on container ships, which they do.

Another consideration is which farmers do we want to support. Buying locally we may be helping local farmers send their kids to college. Buying from Central America and we may be helping those farmers send their kids to elementary school...and feed and clothe them.

I am leaving out a lot of details, but you get the point. It isn't as simple as we think when it comes to making the best choice of where and what foods to buy. I think the bottom line is to reduce or eliminate animal products as much as possible and consume more fruits and veggies...if we are trying to be more friendly to our planet.

Back on Track

Okay, after that wonderful dinner, I am back to mostly raw and all vegan. And feeling much better. I sleep so well on an empty stomach.

More than ever I am determined to learn how to eat differently. My sister Joyce was over yesterday and we talked about how hard it is to eat when you try not to eat animals. What is left? Fruits, veggies, nuts, seeds, grains. I do well with my green fruit smoothie for breakfast. I'm satisfied till early afternoon. I then have a salad and snack on fruit till dinner time. But then I am ready for something more substantial and that is where I am struggling. And that is when I go off the raw food.

I'm not giving up. I've moved my food dehydrator off of the living room floor and onto the counter. I shall try some recipes this weekend using it. Let's see how this experiment works.

A Major Setback!

My dear friends Mark and Gerre invited me over for dinner last night. They just got back from spending three months in Greece and Morocco. Mark is an excellent cook and made a gourmet meal that he got from watching Emeril the night before.

"You don't mind if we serve chicken, do you.?" he asked. "We read all your blogs. Can you have more than just salad?"

"Hey, I'm not going to be rigid about this. I'll eat what you cook."

I love Mark and Gerre. They are just plain good people who can really dance and know how to enjoy life. We have shared some wonderful times together. So, the meal is to die for. Probably one of the best home cooking ever, top five all time. Simple and sweet, cous-cous (or something like that) and grilled chicken and totally tasty. I devoured my share like I hadn't eaten since the beginning of spring. And I had no regrets or guilt. That is until the middle of the night.

Maybe I'm used to sleeping well on my new diet. Last night I paid for the sins of eating meat again. I slept like I had a small bowling ball rolling around in my stomach. What's worse, I gained a pound and a half in one day. I'm still groggy this morning as I write this.

What's a guy to do? I don't believe in being a pain in the ass when invited over for dinner. And I have absolutely no willpower...especially when Mark is cooking!

Well, back on the raw food wagon today.

Living With Raw Food

I was thinking that maybe I could do this raw food thing. Give me unlimited access to fruits, especially watermelon, pineapple, and bananas, and I'd be fine. Then the third book comes my way, Rainbow Green Live-Food Cuisine, by Gabriel Cousens, M.D. Why does everything have to get more complicated and extreme? I would have been fine with Eat to Live.

Dr. Cousens has been into this live food thing since the seventies and has done more research than he should have. According to Cousens the biggest problem with achieving optimal health is more complicated than just giving up animal products and cooking. The real problem is the toxicity in our blood caused by mycotoxins, which are caused by eating acid-promoting foods, stress, and our bad thoughts. (I can deal with the stress and thoughts, but what about these foods?)

Anyhow, these mycotoxins create all kinds of havoc: suppress the immune system, make bad cholesterol, cause cancer. (Pretty nasty creatures if you ask me.) Actually, the list goes on: depression, anxiety, PMS, fatigue, allergies, weight problems, colds, flu, gas, really bad health. I'm beginning to feel lucky to be alive. Essentially, it's the sugars and acid diet (along with acid thoughts and emotions) that makes the body self-compost. Yuk!! Double Yuk!! Think fungus, mold, and bacteria, giving off waste products, weakening our cells, bringing about disease.

Do you want holistic health? Get rid of foods high in sugar (sweet fruits), most grains, potatoes. There goes my watermelon and pineapple. Grains are high on the list because they are acid-forming and contain mold and fungus from being stored so long. Of course animal foods are off the list too, mostly because animals are fed grains infected with fungus.

Specifically, Dr Cousens warns us against eating sugar (and honey and maple syrup), flesh, dairy, yeast, corn, alcohol, coffee, caffeine, mushrooms, dried fruit, peanuts, cashews, soy sauce, and all processed foods.

What is allowed? Nuts and seeds, raw veggies, avocados, tomatoes, lemons, legumes, unheated oil, coconut pulp, and algae. As for fruits we can eat grapefruit, cherries, strawberries, blueberries, and cranberries. I'm in big trouble.

After a week of being vegan I don't have any cravings for meat or dairy, not even ice-cream. But how can I live without watermelon? At first I was thinking forget the whole thing. That just made me depressed. I've decided to just try and do my best. As my daughter Gina says, eat as many greens as you can and let the rest take care of itself. Fine. I'll use my green smoothies in the morning, my veggies in the afternoon, and my salad at dinner as my starting point and try to be as good as possible after that and see what happens.

Healthy Diet Continued

So what do I do now? I really don't want to eat animal products. As fate would have it, another book crosses my path, Eat to Live, by Dr. Joel Fuhrman. Perfect timing. Dr. Fuhrman supports his writings with over two-thousand research articles. His book is inspiring and rational. I think it is one of the most important ever written on the subject of food and eating habits. These are the most important lessons I got from the book:

1. The formula for a healthy diet: Health = Nutrients/Calories. Optimal health comes from eating large quantities of nutrient rich foods.

2. The more we feed our bodies with high-nutrient foods, the less we want food that is bad for us. Cravings for junk food arise because we don't feed ourselves healthy food. We are left hungry.

3. Healthy foods are fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds, and whole grains. Unhealthy foods are meats, poultry, fish, refined (processed) white products such as white bread and rice, dairy products.

4. The phytochemicals found in fruits and vegetables protect against heart disease and cancer.

5. All the protein we need can be easily derived from plant foods.

6. Raw, leafy greens (romaine lettuce, kale, collards, spinach) are the most nutrient-dense foods on the planet.

7. We have been brain washed by big business (meat and dairy industry) and corrupted government officials to believe that we need animal products to be healthy.

8. The most comprehensive study on diet and disease shows that populations eating little or no animal products were much healthier than those that did. The China Project data shows that as animal food consumption approached zero so did cancer and heart attacks. This is by far the largest study ever completed.

I highly recommend reading this book. Now I had something positive to hold on to. I was turning away from animals, but now I had something to go towards. I could eat all the fruits and vegetables I wanted. Things were looking up. I could see the light. Maybe I could become a vegetarian after all. It looked like clear sailing...until another book came to my attention. More on that tomorrow.