This is the flip side of the blog on wanting what you get. Rest assured that you will not want what you take. I say this knowing that after so many years I should have already known this. Let me say this clearly - I am an idiot!
Laying here in my bed in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam, after a second sleepless night, I can tell you that if you do something for yourself, in other words take from life instead of receive, you will not like it. I think I have been doing a good job of taking for a long time. How do I know? Because most of what I have taken has been so unsatisfying. My current travels a case in point. Get me outta here!
Looking back on my life it is so clear that whenever I have taken, or made things happen, I have not enjoyed what I got. On the other hand, when things happen unplanned or striven for, life is so much more wonderful. Even when those things at first appear terrible.
It seems too often I am thinking about what I want or what will make me happy and not about how I can best be of service to the universe. How many more times will I have to repeat the lesson. The good thing is that I get dissatisfied much quicker now days. I am aware of my mistakes sooner, although they make me feel stupider than if I pretended that I hadn't made them in the first place. And, they have become expensive.
It doesn't matter. Life is so lifeless when the focus is on getting for ourselves. One only has to walk the streets of Saigon to see that clearly. If I could be granted on wish right now it would be to always have in mind this lesson. Whatever we do for ourselves is wasted, and maybe even worse than that.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Another way to interpret this is that when you take something and find that it does not have the magic, the pulse of life in it, you can surrender and discover how the universe can take even this and turn it into a beautiful less, a service that opens doors you didn't know could be in a choice that was created by taking. I wish you surrender and discovery even in Ho Chi Min City.
Everything you're talking about is why I've been miserable for the last three + years. I've felt like I'm constantly trying to "make" things happen. I had to make the move out here happen. I had to make myself hold down the job while at the same time start setting up my own shop.
I had to try and make a nice home life for us. None of it felt like just going with the flow and loving what comes your way. Needless to say my life feel like a mess most of the time. I thought I would've learned by now how to turn things around but I'm still unable to just go with the flow. You're a good example for me cause you're someone who has so much of what I think would make me happy and you're honest enough to say how you really feel. A lot of people might think that you're simply ungrateful but I know that's not the case. You're simply honest about you're human condition. Even though you've achieved a level of financial success and freedom and you have a PHD, you're still able to admit that you're human condition still exists and that you're still making mistakes and learning from them. I think that's pretty rare and admirable and it's very helpful for someone in my shoes to hear what you have to say.
Post a Comment